Have you eliminated leisure and rest from your life?

Yesterday a podcast host I was listening to quoted Dallas Willard’s famous advice for improving one’s spiritual health: “You need to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” The guest then quipped something like, “What do you make of American’s having ruthlessly eliminated leisure from life?”

With that pinging around in my mind, this morning’s passage in Exodus resonated differently than in previous years:

For six days work may be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of complete rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on that day must be put to death. Exodus 35:2 (Berean Study Bible)

Moses has just returned from his second 40-day retreat with God carrying the second set of commands. When he addresses the masses who are now curiously and cautiously awaiting him, Moses communicates God’s priorities by first addressing God’s rhythm of life. He doesn’t start with what we know as the First Commandment to have no other gods than the one true God.

No, on the contrary Moses indicates how the Hebrew people are to live and function in a manner completely different from the rest of the surrounding culture as well as the land they have fled.

Moses teaches the Lord’s view of work and rest. I’m seeing for the first time how serious God is about our need for rest.

Here’s my take having had my mind primed by Dallas Willard’s advice. People probably would not have taken this command so seriously had not Moses taught that this Sabbath day was to be done FOR God, that is for the Lord’s sake. I’m guessing that had it been a command to lay off work for one day in seven for their own benefit, for their well-being, they would have ignored it after the first week of harvest season.

God, no doubt anticipating their reaction, adds a penalty that would have captured their attention. This God of the Hebrews threatens death if they do not comply.  And you know he is right.  When we work all the time, we suffer.

Multiple studies these days show that all work and no rest or play break down our bodies. We weaken mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally as well as spiritually.  Americans, it appears, are working themselves to death.

God’s commands are meant for our wellbeing. Afterall, he created us. He knows how he intended for us to function. He’s not a cosmic ‘meanie’ depriving us of pleasure.  He’s a good father who loves us and has set boundary lines for our own good. Responsible and loving parents do the same for their children.

I admit it’s far easier for me to have margin in my day since I am now retired. I wonder how this would have landed on me when I was 40, teaching school, coaching middle school boys’ baseball, running a part-time business and serving as a Bible Study Fellowship leader and parenting two boys.  And did I mention marriage as well?

My mom tried to advise me. She’d say, “Maria, take time to smell the flowers!” I’d retort, “Easy for YOU to say, Mom, you’re retired.”

But she was right. Rest and leisure are good gifts from our Lord. And we put ourselves in peril if we ignore God’s commands.

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

Yes, I admit, I was one of those moms.  Even before the term grew into a household word, I would try to remove difficulties from my boys’ lives. If I’m honest, I was more motivated to make their lives easier for my sake. I don’t like people around me to be unhappy. 

That’s pretty naïve, given that in this life, we are guaranteed afflictions. Unfortunately, I grew up with a father who modeled trying to keep everyone happy. Peace at any cost.

For most of our sons’ growing up years, I was not yet a biblical Christian. Nor had I even heard of the caterpillar-cocoon-butterfly analogy. We’ve all probably heard the story of how someone with good intentions trying to ease the struggle of the emerging butterfly actually doomed this beautiful creature to an early death by helping her to emerge from her cocoon.

One time when our oldest son was in 8^th grade, he felt his English teacher wasn’t treating him fairly. We called for a meeting with the teacher so Graham could air his grievances. In hindsight we should have encouraged him first to seek a solution himself with the man.

To my shame, I even had my husband write one of Graham’s college professors his freshman year when he earned a C that first fall semester.

This same tendency to want to ‘magic away’ our sons’ problems wasn’t confined to just them. Rather, I have brought that pattern into my marriage.

For years, just because I desired a ‘happy husband’, I’ve tried to fix things for my husband without him asking for my assistance. This is called ‘mothering’ as I recently read.  Mothering one’s children is appropriate (though not in those ways I tried to shield Graham and Wes from good growth opportunities).  However, treating an adult man (and especially my husband) that way is demeaning and dishonoring.

I’m learning now how I’ve made an idol of a ‘pleasant life’.  I’ve been slow to realize that people’s feelings are their responsibility and that upsets and problems can’t be avoided. On the contrary, difficulties provide opportunities for us to grow. Healthy families support one another during trials, offering empathetic love.

In addition, Christian parents and spouses have been given the gift of calling upon Jesus on behalf of the families.  I’m beginning to learn how when we have to struggle with the Lord’s help through a situation, we learn something more about God.  So, why would I want to stand in the way of that kind of blessing for family or friends?

Back to our kids, I do see that despite trying inappropriately to spare Graham from the reality of a mediocre college grade, God guided us to allow him to work alone through a crisis with the Lord.  After that first semester of college, Graham felt dissatisfied with James Madison University and the traditional college track. We allowed him to apply over Christmas to Berklee College of Music. The problem arose when he got accepted and he had to make the decision what to do, whether to stay at JMU after this first year or move to Boston.

As he had been growing as a Christian, we let him struggle with God and pray through the decision.  Wrestle he did, going back and forth in whether he should stay or go for about a month.  One morning, all of a sudden, as he explains it, he awoke feeling he should stay at JMU and not leave. He let that decision sit and as it persisted into the next day and beyond days, he realized that the Lord had indeed led him to an answer. And all through prayer.

Looking back, I see the benefit of treating him as an adult and allowing him to work it out with God. Seeing the Lord actually guide him in a decision about real life, a crisis, changed his faith from theoretical to real.

I know he would say that this was the right decision because once he decided to stay, he threw himself into college life. He formed a band with two friends and met Shay, his wife of 17 ½ years.

Recently, Jesus has been pointing me to how I have perhaps NOT been as good a wife to my husband as I should. For my own sake, I have attempted to create, reframe or control events just to avoid having to deal with the normal frustrations Mike has felt at various times.

It’s not like I don’t have a good example of a mature spouse who trusts the Lord and treats others as he would like to be treated.  He doesn’t try to solve ‘my problems’. He only weighs in when I ask for his advice. 

I welcome the opportunity to make some changes, especially when directed by the Holy Spirit!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 NIV

I’m a slow learner in God’s school of Holiness

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15 ESV

I don’t know when I started realizing that what I was learning in God’s ‘school of holiness training’ was not sticking. Naively, I assumed that once I ‘learned my lesson’ and practiced the new behavior, I could move on to something else.  At a certain age, maybe in my 40s, I began to see that Jesus was recycling past teaching points over and over. When I would mention this phenomenon to some older-in-the-faith Christians, they would flash a gentle, but knowing smile of agreement.

For example, I’d have victory over fear by God’s grace, only to fall back into imagining the future as though it were up to me and my limited resources.  How embarrassing that I could forget what had I had painfully learned not that long ago about the sin of fear.

Or, I would have been gently chastised by Jesus for boasting and talking too much about Maria, repented and relished one, maybe two victories.  Only to catch myself repeating the same self-centered behavior. 

The Holy Spirit reminded me this week of another sin pattern that I have yet kill. My sometimes-patronizing attitude with Mike.

To the woman he said, “……. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NIV

It happened like this.  The other night, Mike started to share with me how discouraged he felt about his YouTube channel where he reads children’s classics out loud. He has a good voice for reading, is skilled at narrating, recording and editing audio books. This channel is his gift to anyone who loves to be read to. He does it without seeking compensation.

What was causing him to feel pessimistic and disheartened? The relative few views of some recent videos. 

Instead of listening quietly with love and compassion, I launched into ‘Parent Mode’, practically interrogating him on his motives for starting the channel. And how he should not only not look at his YouTube analytics, but should also go out into the community and find children or senior adults who would love to be read to.

Had he asked for my advice?

What motivated me to be so didactic instead of gentle and patient, intent only on understand his feelings?

It was Eve’s sin, that of wanting to rule over, to shape and mold her husband according to HER image of what he should be like.  I’ve done this numerous times. It is disrespectful and puts distance between us. 

I could tell that I had gone too far but I tried to cover for myself by saying, “I’m so glad we have reached the point in our marriage where we can speak the ‘truth in love’ to one another.  Afterall, I give you permission to speak into my life, too! “

You need to know that Mike NEVER treats me this way. If he thinks I am doing something wrong, he’ll tell me directly.  He won’t manipulate and hide his ulterior motives like I do.

I went on trying to soften my ‘lecture’ by adding, ‘Keep adding more content to your channel. This is a really good and worthy project.  It doesn’t matter if it only benefits a few people. It’s your gift to others, however many or few.”

Poor Mike didn’t know how to deal with the mixed messages I was sending.  

With no real resolution, we transitioned by watching a Netflix series we like while eating our supper. The evening passed without any more discussion on that topic.

That night, I couldn’t sleep.  God gave me severe leg cramps and some arthritic pain. When I sat down with him yesterday morning, he had my full attention.  It was only then that I saw my sin. And felt shame, remorse and pain for how I had hurt Mike.

What made it harder to swallow was that this is not the first time I have ‘scolded’ my husband.  This is neither loving nor honoring to him, nor to God the Father who created him nor to Jesus who died for him.

When Mike got up a while later, I immediately confessed my shameful display and asked him to forgive me.  He was so gentle and comforting to me.  I also asked him to pray for me to be the kind of wife God intends.

With each lesson repeat, I see how gracious and patient the Holy Spirit is with us.  Yes, we fail. Yes, we have to relearn lessons and practice new patterns of thinking and acting. The good news that brings me peace is this assurance, this promise:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT

Do you believe in what is invisible?

Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” John 20:29 NLT

Saturday, while walking along the greenway trail behind our house, I stopped to chat with a couple who own the breed of dog I would choose, were I ever to be a dog owner. (We are cat lovers!) This husband and wife exercise their pair of miniature Australian sheepdogs every day, throwing frisbees wide and far for them to chase. 

To control one of her dogs, the ‘mom’ carries a whistle that only dogs and other animals can pick up. It emits a soundwave at a frequency that humans can’t detect. Her disobedient dog doesn’t like it and immediately stops chasing the squirrel or other critter that tempt him to bound away.

I have to take this woman’s word that the whistle really produces a sound. I can’t hear it, but apparently it is reality.  Just like I can’t see other phenomena that truly exist. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t real.  I searched for another example to share with you.  

Apparently, photographers have found a way to capture the fluorescent radiance of flowers using a technique called UVIVF (ultraviolet-induced visible fluorescence) photography. The naked eye can’t catch this intrinsic quality, but the photos I saw on line showed a beautiful glow around blossom.

Logically, if we take as a given the things in nature that we can’t detect with our human senses, then would it not follow that a God who is invisible to us could also exist? Especially, since there are eye-witness accounts?

I, as a believer, trust God and accept the scriptures as true. Yet, I still functionally act as an unbeliever in one major way.  Even though Jesus told his disciples that he would be with them always, I go about the majority of my day not talking to Jesus as though he were present. Which he is.

I’m like many of the clients I meet at our local choose life pregnancy center. A fair number identify themselves Christians. But they don’t accept that Jesus IS alive and present. Since they don’t feel him, or see him, it’s as though he isn’t here. And that makes it easy to ignore him.

I don’t want ever to ignore Jesus.  So, I make a point of talking out loud to him during my quiet time. I sit at the dining room table and address the Lord sitting across from me.  I chat with him, thanking him, praising him and committing my cares and those of others to him for the day. I also ask his opinion about things that are bothering me.

But sometimes that is the only time of day, I talk to him. I’m trying to change. But Satan seems to interpose little obstacles that hinder my engaging with the living Son of God. This morning, during my quiet time, I found myself putting off talking to him.

After reading and meditating on the passages for today, I wanted to move on and read a couple of devotionals, instead of praying first.  I said to myself, ‘I’ll read Oswald Chambers and John Piper to see what they have to say this morning. Then I’ll talk to Jesus.”  Clearly, I preferred reading what some men had to say about Jesus rather than hearing from the living Lord right there in my dining room.

By grace, I realized that I was stalling, and with the Lord present!  That felt embarrassing. What could be more important than being together, face to face with our Father, our Brother and the Holy Spirit, the triune almighty and holy God?

If you’re like me, then we need to accept as fact that we’ll encounter some kind of resistance, maybe even every day.  Proof positive, that Satan doesn’t want us relying on the presence of God, of talking to him and hearing from him.   Much ‘safer’ if we just discuss the Lord, as someone from the past. Even as we pay lip service to the reality of the living Jesus.

What can we do? Wearing a rubber band or bracelet on your wrist might be a tool, or setting a timer to ping every 30 minutes as a reminder. What I’m choosing to do is use my little old-school 4×6 spiral notebook. I look at it frequently throughout my day.  This morning I added another ‘to do’:

“Talk to you, Jesus, throughout the day.” 

Do you need humbling?

He crowns the humble with victory. Psalm 149:4 NIV

A dear friend of ours, a pastor, is undergoing a Calvary-like experience. He and four other ordained ministers are being unjustly accused by an insecure senior pastor of many things. Over the past two years at his church, these experiences have been growing progressively worse. All those who are standing with him pray for ‘victory’ soon.

His painful trial triggered a memory of the humbling trauma I endured at my last school. Lasting almost six years, it blind-sided me. With joy and excitement, I had started a school year, in this new environment with 21 years of teaching French behind me.  Never did I anticipate what the Lord would put me through.

Half-way into my first year, some disgruntled parents painted a false picture of how I had treated their middle-schoolers.  The administration, anxious to keep them as paying clients at this high-end private school, sided with them.  I spent the rest of my time under probation, with much documentation of my ‘progress’ or lack in my official file.

Even though the accusations were unfounded in my mind, I did grow spiritually.  I clung more to Jesus than I had in recent years. I trained myself to submit to the shame-producing supervision and frequent evaluations.  My stomach learned to produce acid each time the principal’s secretary notified me that ‘Jeff’ wanted to meet with me.

I came out of those years a more humbled woman, a better teacher and grateful for the support I received from family, a few close friends and a couple of sympathetic colleagues. 

I had undergone a previous humbling story at an earlier school, half-way through my teaching years. Never did I anticipate another one. Nor did I imagine God’s other delivery method of lessons in humility, family members!  (I’ve already written about that in this blog.)

So, what about humility?  If our Father loves us and is good and has our best interests at heart, why does he plan all this?  It hurts!

The only conclusion is that we must need it. I’m not saying that what our friend is undergoing highlights a character flaw in him. But God has designed and ordained these lessons.  Knowing our gentle friend, I doubt that he has a big ego that requires ‘tailoring’ to size.  Our Father has myriads of reasons for his lessons. For now, his purposes must stay in the category of ‘the secret things of God’.

It helps to recall that Jesus suffered a lot of humility.  Just even coming to earth as one of us defines humiliation. Imagine his trajectory, that from King of the Universe and honored, beloved Son of God, to a baby born out of wedlock into a poor family in the backwaters of Galilee.

But the difference between Jesus and us, is that our Savior didn’t need to be humbled.  Yet in God’s plan, he had to suffer all that we go through to be able to identify with us and help us.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:8 NIV

All I’m reading these days points me to the value of humility.  One thing is for sure! This time, I don’t want to wait to BE humbled.  I want to start seeking little ways to grow right now new reflexes and attitudes.  I want to receive correction and criticism with gentleness, accepting that it comes from my Father’s hand.

I’ll close with some quotes on how to grow more humble from Dallas Willard towards the very end of his book, A Life without Lack.

“Accept every humiliation, look upon every fellow-man who tries or vexes you as a means of grace to humble you.  Use every opportunity of humbling yourself before your fellow-men as a help to abide humble before God….This is your best prayer and proof that your whole heart desires to grow in humility.”

My new heart – 10 days old

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Proverbs 4:23 NLT

It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth. Matthew 15:11 NLT

In my last blog, I wrote about how Jesus revealed the life-long accumulation of poison I had let fester in my heart. Two consecutive outpourings of disproportionate and ugly words aimed at my poor husband caused me to admit that I had a problem about which I knew very little.

God is good and loving when he gently makes us confront reality. Last week was like being deliberately carried to the doctor to receive a diagnosis I had not been expecting and squirmed when forced to face. But I left that ‘office appointment’ with a recipe for health and lots of hope.

What has stayed with me since then is the certainty that through confession to both Jesus and Mike and receiving (and believing) their forgiveness, I have been given a brand-new and clean heart.  The old is gone and the new one has replaced it. That fact has 2 serious implications.

One, since all the accumulated ‘ungrieved losses and unresolved disappointments’ (Chris Cook’s words from his latest book Healing what you can’t Erase), regrets, unmet expectations, resentments, shaming events, and years of boasting were lifted from Maria and removed forever, I need not nor dare not revisit them when I’m tempted to seek self-pity.

Secondly and more importantly is the fact that I have a brand-new, pure and clean heart. I have been VERY conscious of that fact, not wanting to spoil my new heart. But I know that I am still a sinner, albeit a redeemed and forgiven one. And until I am reunited with Jesus I will stumble again and again, needing to acknowledge, lament, repent and receive cleansing pardon.

I have been more careful of my heart in these last ten days. As I’m finishing up Dallas Willard’s book A Life without Lack, I’m adopting some of his recommended practices to assist me.  At night and in the morning, I am trying out a new routine of asking Jesus straight out: What troubles you about me and how I lived this day? Where did I boast or judge others? Where did I forget that you were with me? Where did I wrap myself up in Maria’s interests and neglected what you wanted me to do?

I don’t want to get lazy and drift into old habits. New regimens take energy and time until they are more automatic.

This checking in with Jesus twice a day is how I want to keep my heart clean.

The places during the day where I have allowed some yuk to enter my heart can be confessed and forgiven. Once removed from my heart creates a better probability that what comes OUT of my mouth won’t be ugly.

Even though Jesus taught that it’s not what goes into our mouths that defile us, I know for a fact, that what goes into my mind CAN plant poisonous seeds in that place I’m commanded to guard. In a short time, ugly plants will sprout and hurt someone else.

This ‘agricultural’ work, a daily discipline, is growing into a burden-relieving joy. Maybe I can become a master gardener one of these days!

Cesspool heart or forgiven heart? Maybe, both

When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Psalm 27:2 ESV

In Spanish, those underlined words read when ‘flesh-eaters’ assail me.  After hurting Mike with my words, attitude and body language the night before, God used that translation to convict me of the severity of my sin. The setting for that memorable event revolved around an argument while en route in the car to a dinner.

Prior to leaving the house, Mike had hurt my feelings with his words and tone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was wanting to pay him back, to make him feel bad, to make him know that he was WRONG, about the navigation. Did he know what had hurt me, did I bring it up?  No, instead I chose to make a big deal over a missed exit.

Back to that Bible passage and how Jesus got my attention. I was appalled at what the Lord revealed as the sin beneath the sin. I had to confess my anger and my cruelty, using my journal to tell the truth about all the ugly heart yuk that I could now see. The scary part was the pattern I noted. This was not the first time I had cut away at Mike or others.

Little hurts that I think I maturely or piously overlook under the rubric of ‘love covers all’ apparently don’t go away unless really dealt with. I have a tendency to store them up until they boil over.

What happened this week was preceded by a similar event just two weeks prior.  I recognize that this has been and is a season of stripping away, of dying to self, of seeing myself for who I am. God has led me to books, to podcasts, to scripture, to conversations, coordinating all to focus a message of ‘It’s time we up your growth toward holiness, Maria. Beginning NOW!’

Knowing and acknowledging oneself as one truly is hurts.  And despite the fact that Mike and I talked through the car incident and the earlier hurt and reconciled, I will probably wound and belittle him again.  I don’t have confidence in my resolve to be loving or always act kindly. Nor, to change a practice of hiding the fact that sometimes his words or tone hurt my feelings. I’ve tried just to absorb little stings. I recognize now how harmful to me and others that can be.

About this week’s incidence, Mike and the Lord have forgiven me. That I know. Yet, I’m still left with a garbage dump of putrid rotten past issues that I thought I had forgotten, but my heart hasn’t. Moreover, I still have decades of practiced patterns of thinking and relating. Something has to change. And only God can do that.  

My husband is not the only one whom I’ve wanted to hurt, to get back at. No, it’s how I handle anyone who has deprived me of what I want or think I deserve.    

So, what do you do, when confronted with your sin? Do you hide away and try to cover it? Or, like David, do you agree and confess that not only have you terribly hurt or killed someone, but you’ve sinned against God Almighty?  If you do, God is ready to forgive you and cleanse you.

What practically has the Lord revealed that might help me? One new thought practice that I’m trying to adopt is to shift my view about each person whose value I have tarnished. I am practicing remembering how God sees them.  The fact is, they are all 100 % loved and valued by our Father. Someone once wrote something to the effect of: internally call each Christian brother and sister you meet, ‘this person, perfect in Christ’.  For that is what we all will be one day when we see Jesus face to face.

The other thought process that is rescuing me from beating myself up includes Romans 8:28. My version goes like this:  All that I didn’t receive from someone, was ‘deprived of’ has been and is working for my good, as managed by my wise and loving Father.

The fact is whether someone did or did not mean to hurt me, God has ordained that I should not have what I believed I wanted.  He has his reasons. He is the one that gets to define what is good for me. Not ‘good’ but useful for many reasons, to include my growth in holiness, in humility, and dying to sin. As well as encouraging others struggling just like me.

I’m now seeing that up until this week, I’ve been living as a prisoner of unmet desires coupled with unresolved and unconfessed resentments and hurts. That way of living offers no way out, no happy ending. Satan loves to stir THAT pot with his malevolent suggestions.  Listening to him and our flesh, it’s easy to feed on the self-pity that comes from thinking about how circumstances could have been other, had you gotten what you wanted, whether the respect, the attention, the recognition or the freedom of choice.

This morning I met with an older sister in Christ. One whose empathy and compassion have grown out of her own hurts, disappointments and a life of pain. I felt safe confessing to her my uglies and asked for her advice and prayers.  That felt like the right thing to do. She gave me some practical ways to pray and think.

I have a new calling. I am now claiming and declaring that I am a contented prisoner of Hope.  Won’t you join me in this place with its pleasant boundaries? The future is bright and beautiful.

Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double. Zechariah 9:12 (ESV)

Copying Paul’s way of praying

I love to read books on prayer, ranging from how to create the desire to pray to how to pray according to God’s will.  Paul Miller’s latest book, A Praying Church, challenges me to grow up and reorient the ways I’ve been praying.

This morning, one of my favorite verses popped up:

Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 NKJV

That word ‘also’ caught my attention. Some translations don’t have it, but no matter, God used it to prompt me to look for the context of verse 4. And it makes sense when reading what precedes and follows. Verses 3 and 5 are part of one exhortation. Think of ‘the delighting/desiring’ verse as the meat and the other two sets of teachings as the bread. 

Looking at the verbs, the top layer directs us to: TRUST in the Lord (believe what he says)….DO good….DWELL where God has us (stay put, in other words).  The bottom piece urges us to: ENTRUST our way to God (or hand over our life). That’s it. The verse terminates not with one more action for us to do, but an assertion that the Lord will take care of whatever we yield or surrender to him.

More than assert, this promise infuses confidence in us.  Just think, the very God of creation will act on all we purposefully place in his hands. From my perspective, these are all the things I can’t make happen. The people I want to fix, the circumstances I long to change, the suffering of friends and family and the world.  

Now that we see the structure, here’s the meat, the part all of us like to cite and hope is true (for it sounds almost TOO good to be real). 

Delight yourself in the Lord (the Hebrew says in essence,spend time being with God and enjoy his company more than anyone else’s) and he will give you the desires of your heart (again the Hebrew reads, he will answer your prayers).

The day before I pondered these three verses, I had read the first line of Charles de Foucault’s most famous prayer.  It stopped me cold in its simplicity and boldness.

Do with me what you will.

Six simple words. Total surrender. What kind of man or woman do you think would have the courage to say that to Jesus? Only someone who has spent so much time with our Savior that the Lord has become his favorite person.

I want God to grow an attitude in me like that of Charles de Foucault. Paul Miller’s book and the Apostle Paul’s writings are guiding me in that direction. I’m gradually learning to pray not just for the current circumstances of life and people to change, but for faith legs to support each person involved. I pray for our roots to grow down deep, drinking in God’s love for us. The former Pharisee Paul prayed this way, as recorded in Ephesians 1: 17-21 (NIV)

 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strengthhe exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

A lot of my prayers are still in elementary school mode. Dear God, please make this work out the way I want, for I am trusting you.

It’s time for me to move up to middle school and grow some more.

Why can’t I reach my goals? Why am I dissatisfied?

The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear filled with hearing. Ecclesiastes 1:8 NASB

As I meet with the Lord each morning, to warm up my heart, I read a bit of Dallas Willard’s book, A Life without Lack. The other day he was talking about how our desires are never satisfied. Whatever the longing (money, security, comfort, acclaim, stuff, success or talent), we don’t reach the point where we declare ourselves to be content and happy with the degree or amount God has given us.  

I see this sad principle with my quest to improve in my languages. At times, I wonder if I have made my objective, my goal for each language an idol. The standard I have set is pretty vague for it is to FEEL like I’m good enough in the language.  (Who can measure that and how in the world will I know when I’ve reached it?)

I knew God was speaking to me through Dallas Willard when I looked up the above verse the author referred to. 

Providentially, I listened to my son Graham’s podcast recap of a book called The Gap and the Gain by Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan. The authors describe the trap that I (and maybe you, too) have set for ourselves. Simply put, we often are unhappy because we keep measuring our current achievements against our ideals.  The gap never closes and we suffer discontent.  The remedy is to look back and examine how far we have come (and I would add, thank God!) rather than fix our thoughts on the goal ahead. Without a wise and God-glorifying evaluation of our journey up until today, perpetual discontent and frustration block our gratitude and wonder. This attitude leaves us pouty at best and oblivious to the good.

God keeps sending me reminders to enjoy the process and not obsess about the end goal. Either through a podcast I hear, or a comment by a friend God keeps refocusing me on the here and now.

And truly, from time to time, I do repent and run to God to thank him for the connections he continues to giv me through the gift of languages. Meeting others offers me opportunities to mention the Lord, speak truth into their lives when appropriate and pray for them. However, wanting to speak with ease in order to feel good about myself definitely IS an attempt to ground my worth in something created.

Ecclesiastes, though, causes me to realize that nothing created, no fleshly or worldly goal, no matter how ‘good’ can ever satisfy us. But God can. He is the one goal, the one longing for whom the Bible assures us is attainable.  In thy presence is fullness of joy…. (Psalm 16:11) is God’s word to us.

May other passages reenforce this truth, such as:   For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9

Assuredly, in our present world that I call Earth 1.0 and our current bodies, God’s filling, the delights we find in our time with him, experiencing his goodness and the joy he gives isn’t the most that we will experience. But we ae promised that one day, our longings will be totally satisfied. We were made as desiring creatures that can only be satiated by God.

Until then, let us continue to long for, pray and seek what is above. Unlike worldly ambitions and goals, the Spirit-given gifts from God us will not harm us.

When God gives what you didn’t even think to ask for

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 NLT

Is there something that you dread? Some big project or task that has fallen to you?  You can’t see how you will accomplish it, given your limitations as well as the time you have? You probably stress, producing anxiety just imagining it.

That was me in the days leading up to my trip back up to Asheville, just 2 weeks after Mom’s death.

I had agreed to help my sister-in-law, Eve, clear out Mom’s apartment after her death. Steve has a full-time job and Mike had work commitments too, staying home with the cats. The deadline for turning over the apartment to management is next week, if the family doesn’t want to pay another month’s rent to this retirement complex.

I had pictured us working almost nonstop 8-9 hours each day.  Given what I imagined, I didn’t know what to do about lunches, since lunch is one of my two daily meals. I didn’t want to eat out and wasn’t sure what I could bring from either my house for the time away or buy locally.

I was also dreading the work involved in sorting out her apartment, since I pictured it as a HUGE task.

Like anything else, I need not have worried.

In my conversations with Jesus before I departed, I felt him suggesting that I do something a bit ‘risky’. He led me to recall Jesus’ disciples who went out 2 by 2 with no food and no extra baggage.  So, for the ‘fun of it’ and curious to see how the Lord would provide, I traveled light, opting to trust him to ‘work it out’. 

Here’s how surprised me. Eve and her husband, Mike’s brother Steve, have started eating meat after being vegan for a long time.  I had known that but didn’t realize how aligned Eve and I are about food, now that she is a meat-eater.  I ended up cooking 3 of our dinners and we went out to dine at a Brazilian steak house where there was a LOT of meat. It was great.

The night before the first work day I asked Eve what time she eats her first meal. We worked it out for the two of us, stopping at the grocery store to buy what we needed each day.  The lunches I fixed myself were perfect. She happily prepared what she wanted as well.  Eve turned out to be pretty chill about food.

But what was even better was that the work load I had imagined as huge was much lighter.  Because of the Lord’s gracious provision of efficient team work plus my SUV whose back seat folds down, Eve and I wrapped up everything by lunch time of the third work day.  We got to rest and chat that afternoon back at their house.

Nor did we work non-stop.

We took plenty of time to chat, getting to know each other’s heart.  She and Steve have been married only 12 years. Before this visit we had never spent 3 days, just the two of us, talking and sharing.

That was the biggest gift to me. She felt it too. We are much closer now.

So, why did I worry? Why do you angst about the future? I know for a fact that you and I have seen the Lord come through time and time again. You’d think we would learn and finally trust him.

Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5 NASB

Your and my unbelief is what keeps us from relying on God at all times.  This sin we must confess each day, asking for his help.  But even though we will continue to indulge in fleshly worry and likely allow ourselves to listen to Satan’s thought-suggestions of lack, we have Jesus’ perfect obedience imputed to us. Jesus trusted the Father always and depended on him for guidance and strength to do the hard things.

May you and I NOT beat ourselves up, but relax in God’s provision and ask for help each moment, not only for the situations themselves but for us to count on him completely. Afterall, he DID create the universe out of nothing.