Holding on tightly to what I know to be true

In faculty prayer time today, my principal mentioned how much of a battle it is every morning and throughout the day to use Biblical truths to fight unbidden thoughts and feelings that arise due to circumstances.  She exhorted us to build and cling to a high-view of God that will carry us through the day.  And since a proper picture of God only comes from soaking in His Word, we must consciously take the time to bring our minds back to the facts that we read in the Bible.  These facts are truths based on who God is, what He has promised, what He has done.

‘Katecho’ is the Greek word for ‘hold on real tight’ (Strongs # 2722).  The writer of the Letter to the Hebrews exhorts his listeners:

But Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house. And we are his house, if we hold on (katecho) to our courage and the hope of which we boast.

‘Kata’ means intensive and ‘echo’ signifies hold down, hold fast or retain.

Confidently and firmly holding on, we look to Him who rescued us and in whom we believers are built up, members of His body, the church.  He calls us to be His ambassadors, stones in His house, witnesses, servants, living for Him.

And if we let go of our confidence in Him (which can happen if we stop INTENSELY HOLDING ON TO what we know to be true of Him and of ourselves), then we fall into evil unbelief.

Do we realize that not to believe is not only a sin, but actual EVIL according to the Bible?  Stoking, nurturing, feeding, i.e. indulging our doubts IS blatant disobedience.  Don’t get me wrong, doubts fly at us all day long from other people and from Satan…but we have to fight them with biblical truth.  We have to ask for help from fellow believers and we in turn must pray for and encourage our brothers and sisters.  This is war. Naiveté is fatal. As the French rallying cry goes, ‘Aux armes, Citoyens!’ We strap on our spiritual weapons of warfare and stand firm, ready to fight!

But we don’t fight alone.  Plenty of passages encourage us to pray for what we need.  Hebrews 4:16 assures us of our privileged access to the throne and source of mercy (i.e.: compassion – He understands the pressures of the battlefield) and grace (i.e.: strength for the battles)

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may    receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

If I apply these principles to my life, it looks like this: I, Maria, need to trust God that He IS providing enough time each day to do the necessary.  It is painful for me to trust Him.  All around I see lack..lack..lack.  I tighten up and get grim.  But our pastor Byron preached a sermon a couple of weeks ago that has helped me.  Psalm 131 is very short – only 3 verses.  But the imagery is powerful.  Consider verse 2:

¹ My heart is not proud, LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
² But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.

³ Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

I had never considered how a weaned child might feel around his mom’s breasts which heretofore had been his only source of food.  Weaned, he now has to trust her to provide for him in different ways.  Miraculously a toddler can and does lean his head, snuggling up against his mom, quietly awaiting her timely provision. He isn’t old enough to secure his own food.  He is totally dependent, but doesn’t fret because his supply (mom’s milk) is no longer available for him.

So now, when I’m tempted to give in to stress as time speeds up and tasks multiply, I affirm, “Lord, I’m resting, imagining my head against your chest, feeling your breathing, steady – in and out, comforted as I wait for you to give me just what I need this day.  Thank you for your sufficiency and faithfulness[.  Keep me close to you.  Keep me from wandering off to tend my needs.”

I’m a slow learner.  But He is patient.

 

The sin of fear and how to fight it

A young Christian woman I met confided that she had recently lost a baby at 28 weeks and that was after 2 previous miscarriages.  She asked that I pray for God’s help in dealing with her persistent fear that she might lose other precious members of her family:  her 3 yr old daughter or her husband.  My heart lurched when I read her email.  What pain! Imagining what she might be going through made my heart sink.  I could well understand her fear, her drawing back and throwing herself in front of her husband and daughter as a brave ‘warrioress’, shouting:  “No further, Angel of Death!”

John Piper gave a talk at a recent Passion weekend to college students about why we should memorize scripture.  He reminded the audience that the Sword of the Spirit, i.e. God’s Word, is the ONLY offensive weapon we have.  He said that when we talk, announce, declare, shout out God’s promises which are ‘alive and full of power’ (Hebr 4:12) we wage active war against our sin.  And the first sin he mentioned was FEAR.

Fear and its cousin, anxiety, are ever-present enemies.  They are sins because they replace our trust in God.  John Piper who has battled depression and fear throughout his life has a useful acronym.  I shared it with the grieving mom and thought it would help all of us.  It is:  A-P-T-A-T

A – admit you have a need and are helpless, whether it is worry, lack of wisdom, money problems, ANYTHING that you can articulate. Spell out the problem.

P – pray and ask for help from God (remember that we have not because we ask not – James 4:20)

T – trust God that He will provide.  Pick a particular promise and make that your friend.  I googled ‘verses to fight fear’ and found a whole list. Here’s a good one from Deuteronomy 31:6   Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them (i.e. fearful, anxious thoughts); for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”   When the fear thought pops in to your mind, you can say, “No!! I will not fear.  I WILL be strong and courageous for God is my Lord; He is THE ONE who goes with me.  He will not leave me or forsake me….and…(you can add other truths like – He is Jehovah Sabaoth – Lord of the angel armies)

A – act and do what you have to do, counting on the Holy Spirit to be with you and provide what He has promised.  We have to move out despite the fear.

T – thank God for what He IS doing and has done to slay that sin.

And I would add an R.  APTAT and Re-APTAT…as in, when we succumb to the sin of fear, anxiety, lust, idolatry, self-centeredness (and the list goes on…) that we REPENT and start again.  Even if we have to use this tool multiple times a day, it doesn’t matter.  There is ‘NO (SHAME or) CONDEMNATION for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).  It’s pure pride to give up and say, “That’s just the way I am, I am a worrier, I am a fearful person, I cannot overcome this sin of ______!”

Let’s put on our boxing gloves, and fight the good fight of faith, using the ONE weapon God has given us, His Holy Word.

If you want to hear the talk by John Piper on God’s word as a weapon and the power of memorizing scripture, here’s the link:

John Piper’s talk

 

The Scarlet Letter

‘You are/ it is’ precede ‘you should/ it is necessary that…’  A basic understanding of grammar comes in handy.  In the Christian world, God tells us facts before he commands us to obey him.  He tells us what IS (his character, his accomplishments, his power, his plans and goals) before he tells us what to DO.

When we fall into the sin of legalism, it’s because we’ve harnessed the proverbial cart before the horse, i.e., the imperative (do this) before the indicative (what is).

Here’s how using the indicative can help in our own lives. My thesis is that unless we keep telling ourselves Truth, then we fall victim to feelings which can lead us around by the nose.  Imagine you’re in the car, impatient to get home when someone cuts you off.  If you’re like me, you’re likely to criticize that other driver and think the worst about him.  But if you knew an indicative, a fact, your feelings would likely change.  What if you knew that in that car was a young husband desperately speeding to get his very pregnant wife to the hospital.  Imagine her in labor, in pain and him feeling helpless and mindful of only one thing, his precious wife. Would that change how you feel about him cutting you off?  Of course!  You would offer him some slack.  More information changes your assessment, hence the conclusion you draw and feed yourself, hence your feelings.

This example came to mind the other day when I was meditating on Hebrews.  In chapter 10, the author says that if the people knew that one sacrifice would wipe out their sins once and for all, they would no longer feel guilty for those sins. (Hebr 10: 2b ….for the worshipers would have been cleansed once for all, and would no longer have felt guilty for their sins.) That verse caused me to realize that I am not supposed to feel guilty for sins already forgiven.  The information that a sacrifice not only cleanses me, but takes away the guilt was new information.  And Jesus performed the one and only necessary sacrifice for sins AND for guilt.  When I still feel guilty after having been forgiven, I am forgetting a fact, an indicative.  Reminding myself of the fact that my guilt is taken away MAKES me feel differently.

The current message I’m receiving from the Bible and from sermons by RC Sproul and Tullian Tchividjian is how important the gospel message is to believers.  We need a steady daily diet of Gospel indicatives.  Our minds and hearts need to be saturated by the radical and scarcely-proclaimed message (one that is NOT intuitive, nor picked up by osmosis) of God’s grace and love. Culture daily bombards us with all the stuff we should do.  Guilt comes naturally in our culture.

I was brought to tears the other day listening to Tullian talk about the wonderful news of God’s grace.  He was illustrating it with an example of a student so stressed out by a high school honors class that she can’t perform.  In response the wise teacher guarantees her an A for the semester.   This A is contingent on NOTHING the student does, just on the kindness of the teacher.  From our perspective, this is an outrageous risk.  What if the student takes advantage of the ‘pre-destined A’?  Apparently that is a risk the teacher is willing to take.  In this real-life illustration, the high-school junior ended up relaxing and working hard and probably earning the A.  But she worked with peace of mind.

So too, we, have been given this ‘Scarlet Letter’, this predetermined grade of A, purchased in blood by Jesus.  It is a total gift.  We don’t have to do anything to earn it.  Furthermore, God won’t take it away from those he has given it to.  We can relax and learn from him.  We can trust this yoke, that it is easy.  Yet we chafe.  We would rather FEEL WORTHY.  Why is that?  Pernicious pride!  It offends us to have our opportunity  to earn WORTH taken away from us.  Somehow intrinsic value (totally up to God) doesn’t satisfy us.  This twisted thinking needs to be redeemed.  Only the daily drip method of life-giving Gospel truth can transform our minds.

The next time I start manufacturing pressure for myself, I need to pause and reflect.  Why am I feeling anxious?  What truth, fact, promise, and info about God do I need to remember?  What false conclusion am I drawing?  What am I trying to DO out of guilt or out of the idea that THIS is how ‘good’ Christians should act?  It is great news that I don’t have to DO anything.  I just have to ‘abide’ in Christ.  That means:  stay connected, keep my eyes on him, feed on him, hang out with him, be the Mary at his feet, rather than the Martha trying to get Jesus on her side against the ‘lazy ones’.

I want to wear this Scarlet Letter with pride!

About God’s glory – what I learned on my school’s retreat

Psalm 19:1-2

¹ The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

² Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge

So whose glory are you intent on displaying?  Whose knowledge?  If nature purposefully magnifies God, why don’t we?

These are questions I ask myself daily.  For over a year, I have been painfully aware that I am more interested in communicating my talents and my uniqueness, hence ‘my glory’ than I am about making God look good.  Yet my daily prayer is, “Give me this day Lord, an opening to say something that makes much of you”.  Rarely, do I achieve that.  Now, to be truthful, I pray in the morning and then the rest of the day I fall back into my natural thought patterns of wanting someone to find me fascinating and ask me about my life.  Yes, I am well aware that this is pretty pathetic and also sinful.  I am stealing God’s glory.  After all, the reason you & I are alive is to glorify God.  So daily, I am NOT fulfilling my God-given purpose.

Last week our school, Summit Christian Academy, dedicated 3 days to an off-campus retreat.  The schedule for teachers and 7^th-12^th graders included community service, outdoor activities, free time, a talent show, games, small group time and a speaker.

The pastor’s theme was something to do about living a radically different life.  But God’s theme for me was, “How NOT to Rob God of His Glory”.  I was primed.  The young man from Lynchburg spoke for 3 one-hour sessions and it was in the last 10 minutes of Session 3, that God gave me specific insight on how to accomplish my heart-felt prayer.

The text was Acts 19: 13-16.  There were seven sons of a Jewish priest named Sceva.  These sons were exorcists who had observed Paul invoking Jesus’ name and driving out evil spirits.  They tried to copy Paul, although they were not believers.  At one point during an exorcism, a demon spoke out, frightening the seven fakers.  He said, “Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?” And of course, these startled and petrified men fled, leaving their very clothes behind them.

The pastor’s point (that God tailored to me) was that as long as we have our own agenda and are living for ourselves, we are NO threat to the spirit world, the world of demons. In fact, we are like the seven sons of Sceva, totally unknown to Satan’s minions.  Self-absorption, therefore, is a guarantee of totally ineffectiveness on behalf of the Kingdom of God.  I will add the other SELF-sins:  SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS, COMPLAINING, WORRY, SELF-PITY, DEFENSIVENESS.  You get the picture.  As long as we are just about ourselves, we are certainly not glorifying Jesus.

But, if we realize that by our living for God’s glory, we can ‘stick it to the spirit world’ as the pastor put it, we are fulfilling our purpose.  When we don’t complain amidst difficult circumstances, we are a threat to the dark side.  When we are praising God for who He is, when we are praying, when we are patiently waiting year after year – in faith for God to work in someone’s life, we are taking a stand for the worth of God’s glory.   In short, when our thought life is so immersed in God instead of in us, we are confounding ‘the spiritual forces of wickedness’.

Paul is explicit in his letter to the Ephesians when he says that our fight is not against flesh and blood, but…..

We are ^….contending against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

As you can see, this pastor’s words during our retreat were the practical ‘how-to’ I needed to actively glorify God instead of Maria.  What is SO encouraging to me is that in light of what my purpose is and equipped with these concrete steps, I can now see how every day matters.  There doesn’t have to be any such thing as a wasted day, no matter how my personal ‘stuff’ goes.  Problems, setbacks, failures as well as successes are ALL occasions to wait, thank God, trust Him and pray.   I can also encourage someone who is flat on her back in the hospital or constrained in a nursing home that her life also matters, no matter her physical limitations.  One’s good attitude matters, one’s prayers for others matter, one’s good cheer matters, and how one spends her waking hours DOES make a difference in God’s kingdom.

So thank you Pastor Matt.  I, too, will enjoy opening my eyes each morning and imagining the spiritual forces of darkness grumbling, “Oh no, she’s awake!”

 

Letter to a son – what we failed to teach you

Dear Son –

Dad and I were so blessed by your phone call last night. Your transparent accounting of what you struggle with at age 22, both as a newly married man and a recently commissioned Infantry lieutenant, convey trust and love for us and a longing to grow.  These two changes in your life are major, in and of themselves.  Together they provide a lot of stress; even if they are circumstances you have chosen and for which you have mentally prepared.    You’ve faced difficult challenges before, since you’ve been a Christian for 6 or so years and have experienced pruning and growth. But new developments have peeled away a comfort layer and revealed more sin for your Father to address.  Your attitude and reaction to some of these feelings raised have caught you by surprise.

The way you described what God has been teaching you was well articulated.  It’s not a first-time lesson nor is it unique to you.  The choice before all Christians is to walk/abide in our human flesh or to walk/abide in Christ.  The first choice is more comfortable because we have developed personal coping mechanisms to deal with daily unpleasantness.  The second option works far better, but either doesn’t always occur to us and/or doesn’t appeal.  Our pride/stubbornness leads us to default to the shortcut, even if we can accurately predict the outcome. We are used to failure, self-condemnation, our own excuses and concomitant spewing over onto those we love.

Here are some observations from your parents who are 31 years older than you.  However, we have really only been growing as Christians for the past 10 years.  So you, your brother, Dad and I are really about the same age as God’s Kids.

Dad and I DID NOT teach you the following: (we have been learning these realities ourselves in recent years, since you left for college)

• The reason we were born is to glorify God.
• The nature of life on earth is brokenness and  warfare
• Because of Christ in us, we can have purpose and joy beyond measure, but they have NOTHING to do with comfort or circumstances.  They have to do with the Cross.

First – the purpose of life is to glorify God.  Relentlessly, the world tells us that life is all about us.  Hear the constant litany – “our comfort, our desires, our bodies, our accomplishments, our purposes, our stuff, and our rights.”   We have to intentionally choose to live moment by moment, breath by breath for what magnifies and makes most of God, not what exalts us.  John Piper exhorts us not to waste our lives on ourselves, no matter how much we beguile ourselves with our own self-worth.  Self, self, self!

Second – because of the Fall, life is hard.  Because of Satan, we are in a war.   John Piper calls us to adopt a warfare mentality.  That’s not bad.  You were mentioning that a good soldier always has a plan and is prepared to fight.  Our enemy is not just terrorists from another land, fellow humans.  All they can do is kill us.  Our real enemy is far worse. He can deceive us into believing that God doesn’t exist, or in inventing our own version of God, made in our image.

So even though we Christians know how the story ends, we have to be alert and on guard.  The American dream in both the active working years and in retirement is a major ploy of Satan’s.  He has lulled us into thinking that this life is all there is and we had better enjoy it.  Meanwhile, he is behind our lines as a 5^th column, beguiling the ‘innocent’.   Be mad!  Get righteously angry, but not at fellow humans, but at the Father of Lies.

My 3^rd point is worth more discussion than I have time right now.  But I don’t think you need convincing of the possibility of lasting joy and purpose in Christ.  We are comforted and assured by God’s Word that, even now on Earth, we have eternal life.  Furthermore, God be praised, we are blessed with brief glimpses of joy even while wearing these perishable bodies.

Yet, as your chronologically older sister and brother in Christ, KNOW that this painful lesson of choosing to abide in Christ, rather than working out of your flesh/ your dominant side is a lesson you will have to RELEARN, time and time again.  I’m sorry to tell you that.  Were it otherwise!  But that’s reality here on Earth.  I still struggle with complaining and a poor attitude. I have to be pulled up short, daily.  I’m even doing what I love, teaching French.  Still I grumble, because of lack of perceived comfort, time, and choice circumstances, all the ME- desires.  Your father is blessed to sing with a quality chorus as a hobby.  He still struggles with the insidious temptation to work alone out of his own strength, thus experiencing frustration or to be yoked with Christ and enjoy rest.  How simple the choice seems with distance.  How blind we are.

So be prepared to fall again and again. We thank God for your wife, a godly woman who loves you and will hold you accountable.  And you will do the same for her, when she fails to remember the way life is.   Repentance is a blessing and the Father’s arms are never shut.  Fly to him frequently.

Love,

Mom & Dad

Functional Idols – what/who I love more than God

Okay, God.  I get it.  You give me insight and you expect me to act on it.  If I don’t, then you arrange my circumstances to reinforce your point.

I have struggled with food and body issues since I was 16.  I finally reached close to the weight I feel best at (more or less –don’t we always want to be thinner?)  I bought a scale to weigh myself every day.  If the scale showed close to my ideal, it was a good day.  In fact, my first thoughts of the day would come from what the scale showed.  And God made it very clear that this was wrong.  He gently, but persistently would ask me (the thoughts would come into my head): “Is that what is most important to you?  Your body which is temporary and is going to get old and wrinkled and break down – is that what determines how you feel about life?   What about the fact that I died for you, that I have given you eternal life, you who didn’t deserve it, you who deserve condemnation?  Do you really value your body more than what I have given you?”

And I would say, “I know you’re right – I’m to love you and worship you above all else.  But this scale has the power to determine what kind of day I’ll have.  And even though if I don’t like the number, I’ll be depressed, there’s a chance the number is on the thin side and I’ll feel REALLY good!”

But, recently, the scales have been going up and up and I seem to have no control over the number it shows or over my body.  I haven’t changed my exercise or my eating habits.  For the days when I’ve eaten more, I’ve compensated.  But now I am perplexed and have been depressed.

Yet I understand what has happened.  When I wasn’t obedient to the soft God-voice, He had to get my attention in a stronger fashion.  Repenting, I put away the scales today and asked God to give me a different way of thinking.  And He did.  I was in Zechariah this morning.  Chapter 4, verse 6 says:  Not by might, not by strength but by my spirit alone, says the Lord. And then in an email Christian quote of the day, was Paul’s reminder to Timothy (and to us) that God has not given us a spirit of fear (or condemnation) but a spirit of love, of power and of a sound mind (the Holy Spirit).

So, dear Lord, forgive me for looking to something other than You as my lodestar.  Guide me this day in how to think (and how to eat). I can’t be trusted to think correctly on my own.   I’m fallen.  And thinking right thoughts IS our chief moral duty (per Michael Novak, a Catholic theologian).  For unless we think correctly and truthfully about God, we will not act properly.

Why can’t God just overlook or forgive our sins?

But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction:  for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,  whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. Romans 3:21-25

Why couldn’t God just keep on passing over our sins, i.e.  FORGIVE our sins, without Jesus having to die? I was thinking about the nature of sin the other day during a Chapel talk at my school.  I suddenly realized that we have to accept that a property or feature of sin committed in God’s world is that it automatically incurs God’s wrath.  We can’t get away from that aspect.  It’s incontrovertible – not open to being challenged.  God set up the world and is the final authority on what everything means and what the rules of the ‘game’ are.  And since He says that sin has to be paid for – ultimately, then He can’t just forgive it.  The whole package of sin includes this wrath-incurring aspect.

When a friend fails to do what she says and lets you down, you experience at the very least the pain of disappointment.  Even if you forgive her, you still suffer.  Suffering can’t be separated from sin.  God’s active, avenging anger is the same way.  It is part of the nature of sin.

So when Paul tells us that God is righteous, it means that He acts consistently with the nature and consequences of sin.  He doesn’t go against the system He established – there is actual wrath to be dealt with.  We normally would absorb that wrath as a consequence of being the instigators of the sin.  But the amazing, outside of the box, reality is that Jesus in covenantal agreement with the other two members of the Trinity, absorbs that wrath in our place.  That is what ‘propitiation’ means.  God the Father accepts the work of his Son in absorbing the entire wrath due us for our sin.

It’s not that we are declared not guilty. We ARE guilty.  It’s that our debt or penalty to God has been paid for and we get to walk out of jail free.  It is incorrect to say that it is though we never sinned.  We DID sin.  Appropriate punishment was meted out and paid for/absorbed by Jesus.  And now we are welcomed back into society.

But our reentry into the community is far better than going back to ‘normal’.  Think about a man charged with being a sex offender who spends time in jail and then when his sentence has been completed, he is released.  The problem for him is that no one wants him living in the community near them.  He lives with shame the rest of his life.

Our crimes against God are FAR WORSE than the sex offender.  We rebelled against the very One who created us in the first place.   But God does not leave us to stew in our shame.  He invites us to a NEW normal.  We are actually given a place of honor, the opposite of shame.  God, the Father, invites us to share in the privileges of children of the King with full inheritance rights.

May we meditate on this unexpected grace.  May we revel in thoughts of the inheritance waiting for us.  May we frequently daydream about the full fellowship we will enjoy when we are face to face with the One we sinned against and the One who absorbed the punishment due us.

Let’s finish the rest with forthrightness and humility like David

2 Sam 24:10  But David’s heart smote him after he had numbered the people.  David said to the Lord, I have sinned greatly in what I have done.

Unlike his earlier major debacle with Bathsheba when Nathan confronted David with his sin, no human being needs to meet with David this time.  The unseen Holy Spirit, who convicts all believers of sin, communicates directly to David’s heart.  The king has called for a census during a time when his kingdom is not at war, and no conscription is necessary. Joab, his military chief of staff, has strongly advised against it.  But the King’s wishes prevail.  However, after 9 months of counting when David is presented with the data, he immediately comes face to face with the fact of his sin.  He confesses immediately to the Lord and submits to his punishment.  We know that he was correct in his spiritual inventory, because the prophet Gad is directed by God to present to David three choices of punishment.  God implements the 3-day plague that David has chosen as the lesser evil.

A further sign of spiritual growth is when David, appalled at the price his own people have to pay for his sin, attempts to halt the plague’s destruction at the end of the allotted time.  His prophet Gad instructs him to set up an altar and sacrifice.  The intended place is Araunah’s barn.  When the farmer finds out David’s intentions, he offers to supply everything David needs at no cost, including the land, animals and firewood.  David, totally unconscious of any embarrassment, publically renounces the gift by explaining that he will not offer to the Lord something that has not cost him.  David has learned that true worship, where one declares the worth of another, requires giving up of something of personal value.

I’m struck by a parallel thought.  First, the mighty King David, the man after God’s own heart, is still sinning.  I need to prepare myself for the fact that as I mature, I will, from time to time, still settle for less than God’s glory in my choices. I am still a sinner, though redeemed.  But I can always repent and receive forgiveness as long as I am humble.  Second, my sin will cost others, and my repentance will cost me.  But I rather face reality and prepare for it, then live with the illusion that Christian growth leads to an end to sinning.  Not in this life!